


For I've always made mistakes

by LinkedSoul



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Agender but more male Chara, Chara Being An Asshole, Chara Has Their Own Body, Chara Redemption, Chara is sassy, Character Development, Fights, Gaster is kind of a god, Insanity, Timelines, Violence, W. D. Gaster - Freeform, W. D. Gaster Being An Asshole, chara, lots of sass, lots of swearing, my personal version of chara, my version of chara and gaster's past, relationship evolving, undertale - Freeform, void
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-23
Updated: 2016-10-17
Packaged: 2018-07-16 20:05:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7282870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LinkedSoul/pseuds/LinkedSoul
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>We all know that everything we do has consequences, but there was once a human that didn't care about them. After toying with timelines and bringing chaos to the world countless times, Chara must now pay the price for their mistakes and repair what they have broken.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Arc 1 - Chapter 1 : Darkness

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there ! This is a fanfiction I've been working about for three weeks or so and I'm... pretty proud of it ? It contains many headcanons of mine about Chara and their past, don't be surprised if Chara doesn't match the views you had on them.  
> In this fanfictions, they're agender, but they tend to be more "male" (if I had to give them a gender, they would be a guy).  
> It also contains my personal headcanons and views about Gaster.  
> I hope you'll enjoy this !  
> (English is not my first language, sorry for the mistakes ! ;u;)

##  _ARC 1 : A TINY SIN_

* * *

 

_**Chapter 1 : Darkness** _

 

Chara would have never thought that they would feel again.

It was a disturbing and unpleasant sensation, to be actually able to feel once more. They had gotten used to being numb to any emotion beside hatred. They had gotten used to acting like they had real feelings. They had gotten used to emptiness.

All was pitch black around them. They remembered their scream as they were pushed down. They remembered the hand that had grabbed Frisk’s and the sensation of slipping out of their vessel before falling into the Core, while their puppet was now free from them and put back to safety. They remembered seeing warm arms around Frisk’s body, and this vision getting more and more distant as they were falling deeper into the Core.

They remembered the black that suddenly came in and covered everything, they remembered their usual polite and childish mask crackling down to pieces, they remembered their swearings, they remembered their angry roars, they remembered the hatred, the numbness of their soulless state preventing them from feeling anything else than pure rage at what was happening to them.

They remembered blaming it on Ariel, because it has to be his fault again if their perfect plan had failed once more. They remembered insulting him, cursing him.

Then, they remembered oh so clearly the burning sensation that had filled them for a minute : an explosion of pain and senses so vivid and intense that they had been unable to breathe nor think. The name of the world was pain and nothing else existed.

They were burning inside, freezing inside, they were suffering, they were being strangled, a million of needles was piercing their skin, waves were ramming into their head.

They ached. During a minute, they remembered that they ached as they had never ached before.

And god knows how much they had already suffered.

They remembered that everything stopped as it came after a minute, and that they felt themselves brutally landing onto hard ground, except there was no ground beneath them, only darkness.

Then, they remembered the realization: they could _feel_. They had the ability to feel again. Anger of course, resentment, but also surprise, worry, anguish. They could feel more than just rage.

They remembered the tears strolling down their cheeks as their emotions imploded into their heart, cutting off their breath once more. They had quickly wiped away the tears and anger had once more replaced it all, but it was too late to deny it. They could feel again.

And they were feeling distress.

They remembered trying to fight off the feelings but failing to. It was all like before they died : their emotions were the same even if they were feeling quite _saner_ than before.

Chara wasn’t sure how to handle all of this. But it felt strange. Sure, it felt strange. Disturbing. Unpleasant. That was all they were sure of. Right now, they were unable to control themselves, to hide back behind their usual mask. They were fragile, vulnerable, and they were _feeling_ it.

And they were hating it.

“Hello, Chara,” someone said behind them and they turned quickly in a fighting stance, trying to control that form that was failing to obey them properly. “How are you feeling, if I may ask?”

When Chara realized who was the person now in front of them, they couldn’t contain the flux of emotions that drowned them. Surprise, incomprehension, distress, anger, rage, resentment - all of this was too unusual and they lost off their balance under the pressure of their new feelings.

A white hand reached out to them but they pushed it away, their eyes reflecting the pure hatred that was filling them. Oh, how they hated being weakened like this. Oh, how they hated looking so miserable.  “ **S h u t  u p** ,” they hissed, getting back on their feet on their own.

“No need to be so rude,” the other stated calmly. He tried to reach Chara, who violently flinched back and fell again, unable to control correctly their form assaulted by those new feelings.

“ **G a s t e r** ,” they snarled.

Gaster smiled. “Missed me ?” He quickly stepped back when Chara roared out their hatred. The rage emanating from them was so powerful that even Gaster had to be careful. Chara might be weakened and diminished now that they had feelings, but they were still a monstrous killing-machine.

The blood-red eyes were glaring daggers at him. The scientist took another step back. He wasn’t impressed nor afraid by many things, but Chara Dreemurr was surely was one of the few beings in this world that could actually make him think twice before doing anything.

That kid was a _monster_ . Not a monster of the Underground, but an insane _monster_ , capable of destroying the entire universe. Their Determination was so powerful that it had allowed their essence to remain in this world even after their death and the shattering of their Soul. Even Frisk’s incredibly strong Determination Soul wasn’t able to resist Chara’s unstoppable influence.

Gaster’s lips drew a wider smile. Truly, that human was _frightening._

“ **H o w  c o m e  y o u’ r e  a l i v e** ?” Chara asked. They were heavily panting, in an attempt to tame their form. They didn’t have a real body, but this form was reacting and feeling just like one. It was good thing : another way to restrain the kid’s outrageous power. They were already incredibly strong when they were alive but their death had lead them to get way worse.

“Well, you don’t die when you fall into the Core,” Gaster explained casually. “This is the Void. It’s a very interesting place for a scientist like me, and it actually is a very useful and incredible place, if you can master its rules.”

Chara let out a long strangled laugh that went decrescendo, sending a shiver in Gaster’s spine. “Wild guess,” they said with a hoarse voice. “I can’t master them.”

“Indeed, as a human, what’s more as a dead human, you’re unable to use the Void’s capacities,” the skeleton answered. He stepped toward the teen. “Summoning various things, learning unknown facts, traveling into timelines and alternate universes, creating new inventions… I can basically do everything, there.” He could feel Chara’s impatience and rage, but it was also clear that they were interested and curious. He smiled and snapped his fingers, making a weapon appear in his hands.

Chara squinted their eyes. They were recognizing the weapon, having seen it so many times, but they couldn’t understand the reason of its presence here. “ **G a s t e r . W h a t  a r e  y o u  d o i n g  w i t h  s o m e t h i n g  l i k e  t h a t  ?** ” they asked, their gaze glued on the sniper rifle that Gaster was holding.

“You know what this is ?” the monster questioned with curiosity.

Chara hissed. “Don’t take me for a fool”, they growled, now calmer. “It’s an AMP DSR 1 even if it has been modified. I saw enough weapons in my life to recognize them all.” They got on their feet carefully to face the scientist. “Where did you get that?”

“I told you,” Gaster proudly explained. “I can summon a lot of stuff here, and I can also learn many, many things about random subjects. Studying your world and time’s weaponry was very interesting.”

“I guess my current state is your fault, then,” the human stated with a smuggish grin that couldn’t hide all the hatred they were feeling.

“Right.” The skeleton turned his back at them in a dramatic effect. “It’s not entirely my fault, but I’m indeed the reason why you can feel things again. With a little help from the outside, I managed to make you fall here and then I just had to shoot you with a new creation of mine.” He faced Chara again, smiling widely, and opened up his arms. “You’re the first subject who ever tasted my _Soul Bullet_. Shot with that weapon you recognized, of course.”

The smile that spread on Chara’s lips was everything but friendly. “ **W H A T  D I D  Y O U  D O  T O  M E ?”**

“I injected you a made-up Soul,” Gaster answered, stepping back. He could almost touch the human’s rage and anger, now. “Then I re-created a body-like form for you thanks to the Void’s capacities.”

“ **H O W ?** ” the teen snarled.

Gaster snapped his fingers again to make six bright colorful Souls appear next to him and he clearly saw Chara’s eyes widening. “With this,” he said. “I’m a genius, Chara. Creating an Artificial Soul with the help of these six wasn’t an easy task, but it was _possible_. And I did it, in the end. I created a Soul then I injected it into you. There were high chances that this would fail, but it worked somehow.”

Incredulity was readable on the human’s face. Their rage had decreased. They clenched their chest right as their heart should have been and they closed their eyes, trying to control their breathing.

“Can you feel it?” Gaster asked.

“I hate it,” Chara whispered, their voice trembling a little. “Oh, I hate it so much.”

“I know,” Gaster nodded. “But I’m afraid that you don’t have much choice.”

The blood-red eyes immediately snapped open and the face became distorted by hatred again. “ **W H Y ?** ”

Gaster took a careful step back one more time. “A certain someone might have asked me to help them stopping you one day,” he answered. “And I might have been watching you since some timelines and thinking exactly the same.”

“ **A S R I E L,** ” Chara roared. It was his fault, it was always his fault. He would always mess up with their plans, always prevent them from achieving their goals.

They couldn’t contain their anger.

But at the same time, they felt relief filling them, and they hated that even more than anything.

“Yes, Asriel,” the skeleton nodded. Chara didn’t need more explanations. They suddenly pressed their hands to their ears, not to hear anything else. But Gaster hadn’t even began his explanation. This was the Void, and the Void was bended to his will. Chara could even destroy their own eardrums if they wanted, they would still hear him. “There is an incredible amount of things you can do when you get the six Souls, he told me, and that includes remembering other timelines and communicating with the Void, for example.”

“ **S H U T  U P,** ” Chara snarled, pressing their hands on their ear harder. Hearing about Asriel now that they had feelings again was difficult because their emotions were mixing up. At the same time their previous affection for their adoptive brother was still real and strong, but their anger toward the one that would always mess up their plans was also there and the two opposite feelings were banging inside their head. “ **S H U T  U P .** ”

Chara was still impressive, even diminished and conflicted like this, but it didn’t prevent the scientist from going on with his explanation. “Having six Souls basically makes a god out of you. If you think about doing something, then there’s a high chance you’ll be able to do it. Unfortunately, in Pacifist timelines, Asriel never thought about remembering other timelines-”

“ **Y O U** ,” the human hissed, stepping dangerously toward him. Gaster stopped him by pressing the cannon of the rifle on their chest. Sure, Chara was already dead so threatening to kill him would have no effect, but he knew that the teen had incredible reflexes and indeed, they froze as soon as the cold metal touched them. Survival reflex. There was nothing they could do about it, no matter how long they stayed dead. It was engraved in them and they couldn’t part from these survival habits.

Because even if Gaster hadn’t really searched through Chara’s past, he knew that survival had been the key word of their entire life.

“-but because you killed him in the previous timeline and because as Flowey he also experienced resetting, this time he thought about it,” the monster went on casually. He made his sniper rifle disappear but the human still didn’t move, only glaring bloody daggers at him. “When he got the six Souls plus all the monster’s souls, he managed to remember all the previous timelines but also to know that you were possessing Frisk. He contacted briefly me just before breaking the barrier and gave me the six Souls.” Gaster smirked, noticing Chara’s expression. “Yes, this is where the six Souls went. Into the Void. Asriel gave them to me.”

The teen looked frozen. As if something had broken into their mind. They suddenly burst out laughing, but their laugh wasn’t a happy one. It was full of resentment and animosity. “Ah, yeah, right, I killed that useless flower.” Chara ran a hand into their hair. “Does he resent me that much ?”

“No.”

The short reply took the human aback for a second then they managed to regain their composure. They were getting better at controlling their emotions and their body, even if they still hadn’t managed to hide back behind their mask. “No ?”

“No, he doesn’t resent you at all,” Gaster answered softly.

The roar of anger and incomprehension that followed shook the entire Void. “ **W H Y ?** ”

The scientist had taken a few step back and had readied himself to create a wall between him and the _insane monster_ in front of him. He gulped down while a small smile was creeping on his lips. That kid was terrifying. He had been a fool to think that he would be able to restrain them that easily. Fortunately the human used to have a good side that would surely come back soon, else they might manage to bend the Void to their will with their Determination and their rage. “You know why,” he whispered.

“ **G E T  M E  O U T T A  H E R E,** ” Chara shouted.

“I’m afraid I can’t,” Gaster replied carefully. The human knew he was not going to stop here, that he wasn’t planning on only trapping them here forever. He had something else on mind. “Chara,” the skeleton indeed went on, “all in all you’ve played with seven timelines. In these seven timelines you overpassed your rights as a human by possessing Frisk and doing things you weren’t supposed to do. You’re not a god, Chara. You can’t be one. “ _Hacking the game_ ” wasn’t allowed.”

“Because you are?” they hissed back with scorn. “You’re acting very god-like to me. You think you can take the place of a god?”

“Yes,” Gaster answered softly. “Monsters can be gods. It’s our privilege in exchange for being weaker than humans.”

The answer shut Chara for a minute. They stayed silent, still glaring at the skeleton, their fists clenched firmly. They were fighting off the feelings that were storming into their head and heart, doing their best not to show them. In the end they fell on their knees with a grunt, putting their hands on their ears. “Shut up,” they growled.

“If you want to get out of here,” the monster resumed, “then go into each timeline you’ve played with and stop your own self, or make things right. Prevent yourself from... “ _f_ _inishing the game_ ” the way you wanted, or change this end.”

Chara didn’t reply. They had closed their eyes, their lips silently articulating some curses and swearings.

“It’s your only way out,” Gaster said with a hint of kindness in his voice. “Make things right and you’re free. It’s the deal. What do you say ?”

They didn’t say anything. They were trying to shut themselves out of this world, away from the scientist who just sighed.

“I knew it wasn’t going to be easy,” he muttered for himself. The skeleton snapped his fingers and a door appeared. “It’s the door to the first timeline”, he explained. “Open it when you want to, I’m not forcing you. I’ll be back to my lab, I have things to do. If you want me to come, just call, I’ll hear you.”

Gaster sighed again as Chara wasn’t reacting at all to his words. He turned his back to the teen and began to walk away.

“ **G a s t e r …** ” Chara suddenly said. The monster stopped and turned. Now the human was crouched on the ground, their face hidden by their messy locks. However, their eyes were still visible and glowing in the darkness. “ **W h y … ?** ” they panted.

Gaster smiled sadly.

“Because we must all pay a price for our mistakes, Chara.”

  



	2. Arc 1 - Chapter 2 : Voices

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Chara is very insane and confronted to their own demons, and Gaster not very compassionate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the kudos ! :D This story is much bigger than I expected it :'D and this is only the second chapter. Aiyah !  
> This chapter contains another of my headcanons about Chara. They're insane but they don't have a definite mental disorder, more like a mix of everything and anything.  
> Is it obvious that I love making them go through hard things ? <3  
> Anyway, enjoy ! :D  
> (English not being my first language, I'm sorry for any mistakes ;u; fortunately I have a wonderful beta-reader)

 

_**Chapter 2 : Voices** _

 

A few minutes after Gaster disappeared, what Chara had feared the most happened.

The voices came back.

They had always been there with the human, nagging them even into their darkest moments.

Especially in their darkest moments.

Everyone has a little voice inside their head that whisper many things, though it’s merely the creation of one’s mind. But in Chara’s brain, there were many, many voices, saying many different things, sometimes so loud that they weren’t able to hear anything else.

The voices had been slowly killing them. When they had arrived into the Underground, the voices were softer and they had learnt to ignore them and were barely hearing them. Until some point. 

But when they had died, the voices had died with their body.

Chara was aware that they were insane. Oh, they knew they were nuts. They were born nuts and had grew up in an environment that had made this madness develop.

The voices had always been there. They had never really left them.

Sometimes they were only whispers in the back of their mind, a messy and confused rumble. It didn’t mean it was easy to brush away, as one vicious voice could always slip into their fuzzy head to suggest them crazy things to do, to guilt trip them, to made them remember their past, to push them to their limits.

But still, it was always better than when the voices were screaming. When they were screaming, Chara couldn’t ignore them anymore and it was like a loud clamor into their head that was banging inside their skull and cutting off their breath. When all the voices were shouting, the only thing Chara wanted was to stab their own head to make it all stop forever.

But the worst was surely when the voices were singing together in a choir, whether it was a perfect or a discorded one. Because when the Choir was there, Chara couldn’t resist it and was doing whatever it was telling them to do. They were unable to think, they had lost their free-will. They were thinking what the Choir was singing, understanding what the Choir had understood, seeing what the Choir wanted them to see and only, only hearing the deadly chant of the Choir.

Chara wasn’t the kind to be easily afraid yet at the same time they were frightened by an incredible amount of things.

Especially by themselves.

 _Hello, Chara_ **_You killed everyone during one timeline_ ** **And Asriel, what about Asriel and the Dreemurrs** **? They were your family** _Kill them all again kill them all kill that Gaster bastard and fly away humanity must perish_ **You realize what you’ve done, right?** **_What happened to you, Chara? Why did you left us alone?_ ** _You shouldn’t be so angry at humanity. Remember, you’re a human too_ **Trash trash trash you’re trash you’re the worst you deserve to spend the rest of your days here die die die die piece of trash suffer suffer suffer suffer** **_you killed Toriel, you killed Asgore, you killed Asriel, you trashed away the Locket, you did so so so so many mistakes you made everyone unhappy_ ** _hatred hatred hatred hatred hatred hatred hatred_

“ **S h u t  u p …** ” Chara whispered, their hands on their ears. “Shut up…” The voices were there again. The nightmare was going on again. “Please… shut the fuck up…” They were curled up in a ball, their eyes tightly shut. “Shut up, shut up…” They knew better than trying to talk louder than the voices, because the voices would always win. “Shut up…” They bit their lips, grazed the sides of their face with their nails. “Shutupshutupshutup…”

 _Are you going to cry Chara?_ **_Weak weak weak weak weak weak_ ** **So fragile, so vulnerable everything gets to you** **_weak weak weak weak_ ** _Are you crying?_

“I’m not.” They were.

**_Big kids don’t cry, Chara._ **

_Big kids don’t cry._

**Don’t cry.**

Chara wrapped their hands around their throat and tried to strangle themselves. It was vain : they were already dead. They could cut off their breath, they could crush their trachea, the body would eventually regenerate and they would still feel something.

And the voices would still be there.

 _You think you can escape us  You’re not a god, Chara, why do you want to be one? To get rid of us? This isn’t very nice, is it?_ **_Fucker fucker fucker trash trash trash you’re just a piece of garbage who shouldn’t have been born you’re unable to protect anything you’re just destroying blindly what you like_ ** **You’ve never made a single person happy in this world, Chara, you’ve made them think you had brought joy to their world only to break that joy apart soon after** _You’re a god, you’re superior to everyone and humanity should die, they should all die anyway_ **_humans are better off dead and that’s why it’s a good thing that you’re dead too but you should have disappeared_ ** **why are you still there you shouldn’t be there you’re anomaly, you’re a fucking mistake**

Chara began to sob, trying to escape the voices screaming in their head. They had been taken by surprise by their return, they were unable to fight them off.

Especially when they had nothing else to do but wait in an empty dark place.

Dark places weren’t Chara’s favorite, far from it. They weren’t afraid of the dark but it always brought back some unpleasant memories. Usually, they would brush them off without a care, but here they just couldn’t.

Everything was too much, as the voices were amplified by the Void.

Was it Gaster’s doing?

No. Chara knew that the scientist wasn’t responsible in any way for the strength of the voices. He couldn’t know about them. The voices were Chara’s secret. Only Asriel ever knew about them and even he didn’t know everything.

Don’t let your determination flutter.

That sentence had basically led Chara’s life and they were clinging onto it during the worst moments.

“Help,” Chara whispered softly, their voice shaky with pain and distress. They were miserable, pitiful, pathetic, and the voices were happy to remind them that, but it didn’t matter anymore.

_But nobody came._

**But nobody came.**

**_But nobody came._ **

Make it stop. “Make it stop,” they cried, their scratching the skin of their chest. “Make it stop, _please_ ,” they repeated. “Make it stop,” they pleaded again, and god knows Chara wasn’t pleading often.

Don’t let your determination flutter.

Never let your determination flutter.

They could only think of that.

“ **G a s t e r,** ” they murmured. They couldn’t care less about their pride, about their anger, about their resentment. They _needed_ him, now.

**But nobody came.**

_But nobody came._

**_But nobody came._ **

But nobody c-

“Chara!” Gaster suddenly exclaimed as if he had just appeared, and it seemed like he had been calling them for a while, now, but they hadn’t been able to hear him. His voice was still faint, muffled by the rambling hubbub in their head.

“Louder,” they said weakly. Their vision was blurry and they had difficulties thinking straight. They tried to reach for the monster, their hand shaky and heavy. They felt Gaster taking their hand then touching their shoulder softly, and the voices calmed down a little while the human clinged on this contact like an anchor.

“Are you alright?” the skeleton asked though he knew that the human wasn’t okay at all.

“Make it stop,” Chara whimpered weakly. “The voices. Shut them up.” They then fell silent as if these sentences had taken the little strength they had left.

“The voices ?” Gaster asked but Chara didn’t answer. He looked at them for a few seconds then sighed. “I see. Sorry about this Chara, but I can’t do anything for now. I need more data about them. I’ll think of something, don’t worry.”

Chara took a deep breath and slowly raised their head. “If… if I get out of here… will they… will they stop?” they questioned.

Gaster had never seen them in such a state. He had never seen them so miserable. Was is really the same Chara, the same insane monster whose Determination would be able to make a god out of them?

 “Surely-” the scientist began.

“ **T h e n  g e t  m e  o u t,** ” they hissed painfully, cutting him off.

Yes, it was the same. They were the same Chara.

Nothing could tame the _insane monster_.

Not even the voices.

“... as I will release you from your artificial Soul and your feelings to get you out,” Gaster finished. “But remember what you have to do for that to happen.” He let go of them and stepped aside to show the door once more.

“ **F u c k e r** ,” the teen snarled. Anger was filling their voice, over all the pain inside, but the voices were already coming back and they couldn’t say anymore than this.

“I’ll find something eventually to solve your problem but it might take time,” the skeleton concluded. “You know the way out.” He nodded then disappeared, swallowed up by the darkness of the Void, leaving Chara alone with their demons once again.

The human looked weakly at the door.

All was strangely silent.

_It’s strangely silent._

**It’s strangely silent.**

**_It’s strangely silent._ **

Don’t let your determination flutter.

_“You know the way out.”_

Chara got on their feet with efforts, turned the doorknob and stumbled out of the Void.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it ! =v= As you see I've used sentences of the real game XD  
> If you have any questions you can ask them here : http://linkedsoul.tumblr.com  
> Next chapter will be longer and will finally show Chara back to their good old self ! :D (well this is the chapter I'm the most unsure of but meh)  
> Thanks for reading ! <3 Love you !


	3. Arc 1 - Chapter 3 : Snow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chara's first timeline, where they're being sassy and meeting their previous self. Not a good encounter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heya there! Thanks for the kudos! I hope you'll keep on liking this story >u

_**Chapter 3 : Snow** _

 

They fell head first on fresh and cold snow, and a sigh of relief escaped their lips when the voices’ sound slowly decreased until it became once again just a faint humming. They stayed here for a few minutes, lying down on the snow, breathing in and out softly in pure bliss. The shadow of a weak yet genuine smile passed on their lips.

It was so good to have a _body_ again and not to hear the voices. It was so good to feel - but to feel things physically. But it was also so good to be able to enjoy the feeling of happiness that these sensations were creating.

They closed their eyes and focused on their _feelings_ , letting them flow into them without trying to fight against them. Breath in, breath out. Better. They were slowly getting used of _feeling_ again, which meant that they were also slowly getting back to their previous personality and that they would control the voices with more ease later.

“I missed the snow,” they whispered as they realized that they had missed all the physical sensations they had when they were still alive. They breathed in the fresh and cool air then finally got up, dusting off the snow on their clothes.

“Are you feeling better, Chara?” A voice resonated into them, but it was very different from the usual voices. This one seemed to be coming from their heart, not from into their head. Plus, it was Gaster’s.

“Yeah,” Chara answered. They were feeling way better. Way, way better. Proof was that they had been a bit surprised to hear Gaster’s voice but that they had been able to recover from the surprise quickly enough not to show it. “I have several questions, handy,” they went on. “How come I still have a physical form here? And how can you still communicate with me?”

“First, your made-up body has always been physical, but I had programmed the Void around you to make it more… ghost-like, in order not to be destroyed if you tried anything - and you tried,” Gaster answered, some amusement showing in his voice. “Second, since your physical form and your Soul are my creations, it would have been silly of me not to include a communicating option.”

“Fair enough, handy,” Chara shot back, feeling a guilty pleasure in being able to be their good old sassy self again.

“Are you going to call me “handy” forever?” Gaster sighed.

“No, don’t worry, I’ll find another nickname soon.”

They heard another sigh and couldn’t help but smirked. “Anyway,” the scientist said, “I’ll be monitoring you from the Void. When I send you into timelines, I don’t choose the place nor time so what you must do might highly differ from a timeline to another, however I’ll be sure to check where and when you are before doing anything else. Don’t hesitate to ask me things, by the way.”

“How do I go back?” Chara immediately questioned. “The door disappeared.”

“It’ll reappear once you’ve made this timeline right”, Gaster answered. “I can also get you back here, but it’s quite unlikely.”

“Got it, old man,” the teen nodded. “And how am I supposed to make things right? Have you forgotten that I’m better at destroying things than repairing them?”

“It’s your problem,” the monster replied back, “you’re the one who caused this mess after all. The Underground must be at peace again, it’s the only thing.”

“That’s so crystal clear it hurts my eyes, gramps.”

“Good luck, Chara.”

“Oh, thank god, I thought I wouldn’t need it at all.”

The human felt Gaster shutting off the communication and shrugged. They stretched themselves, testing their body, then jumped slightly and began to run in circles. They still had the same physical ability as before. Good to know.

They took a few steps in the snow, still amazed by their sensations and the _feeling of sanity_ they had. They felt so normal, so _sane_. It was incredible.

“Hey, gramps, did you do something about the voices?” they asked casually, making their way into the forest where they were. They were recognizing the place and it felt like they were coming back home after a long trip. “I can barely hear them.”

“I didn’t,” Gaster answered after an annoyed sighed - he wasn’t enjoying the nicknames, was he? “I think it might just be you adjusting yourself to your new Soul, feelings and body. I’m still working on something for that problem, though, since it might reappear when you come back into the Void.”

“Yeah, you better do that,” Chara nodded, kicking away some snow.

“Don’t get too cocky, brat,” the monster retorted.

“I’ve always been cocky, old man.”

“... whatever,” the scientist sighed. “You do remember what you did on your first timeline, right?”

Chara stayed silent a second, unable not to lose their sassy behaviour. This time, they were the one to sigh. “Yeah. How could I ever forget something like that?”

“I thought you would be the type who tends to forget these kind of things,” Gaster admitted after a few seconds.

“Well, no, I don’t forget that,” Chara growled. “As strange as it might seem, I remember what I kill.”

There was a little silence. “Why?” the skeleton finally asked.

“... I don’t know,” the human answered. “You never know when someone is going to try to get revenge for someone you killed, so you better remember the deaths you caused.” They paused. “... I guess it must be because of that. It’s what I was taught and it remained somewhere in my brain. There might be another reason but I don’t know it.”

“I see,” Gaster said and the teen could feel the smile in their words. “Well, I guess it’s good to know.” They both stayed silent for a while, until the scientist spoke again. “You’re currently in Snowdin Forest-”

“I know”, Chara cut off, trying to regain their sassy and insolent attitude. “The question is : when?”

“... and the Chara/Frisk from this timeline is already killing the people of Snowdin,” Gaster ended as if he was never interrupted. “You better hurry if you want to catch up to them.”

“Can you call them… I dunno, something else than Chara/Frisk?” the human almost timidly interrupted. “Because they are… they’re not Frisk, but they’re not… really Chara either.”

“I thought you were good at choosing nicknames,” Gaster mocked a little, his voice with a kind of father-like tone.

Chara rolled their eyes. “Yeah. Well. Let’s call them…” They thought about it for a second, then found something. “I’ll call them Puppet,” they finally said, but they weren’t even smirking while doing so.

“As you wish,” the skeleton nodded and the human went back to their previous sarcastically amused mood.

“Let’s get the Puppet back, then.” They licked their lips. “Say, is Snowdrake still alive?”

“Let me check… ah, yes he is,” the scientist answered. “Why?”

“Nah, it’s just that this guy used to be important to me. I mean, if he escaped, I would usually stop genociding everyone. I don’t remember why I did that. Surely because I hate when a prey that I specifically put my eyes on escape, and he had caught my attention… I mean, he lost his mother, so he was already not just another random monster anymore, to my eyes.”

“Hm… I see.” Gaster stayed silent for a moment. “Okay, go, then. As I said, you better hurry. Snowdrake might not stay alive for long.”

“Right,” Chara said, stretching themselves. They felt a thrill of excitement passing through their body as they began to run toward Snowdin. “Time to kick some ass.”

* * *

Chara could _smell_ the fear that was emanating from the town, as well as they could _feel_ some dust carried by the soft wind sometimes brushing their skin.

That place was being slaughtered. Chara wanted to laugh at the thought. They had feelings, but they still had the bad habit to think of other’s pain as - most of the time - funny or amusing. Which didn’t mean that they couldn’t respect and understand one’s suffering at the same time though.

Chara wasn’t nice. And they didn’t care about being nice either.

So they couldn’t help but smile, as they ran into an empty Snowdin that seemed so familiar yet so different than the warm town from their memories.

It was sure way colder now that everyone was being slaughtered.

Chara’s smile became wilder as they heard battle’s sounds. They hurried where those sounds came from, and spotted Snowdrake in the distance, trying to fight off the Puppet.

“Found ya,” the human chirped, diving in that direction.

“You do remember you’re supposed to protect him, right?” Gaster intervened, a bit worried that Chara might get a bit too carried away.

“Yeah,” they laughed, jumping up like a predator on its prey. They landed right between Snowdrake and the Puppet, pushing the monster behind them. “Run, comedian, run!” they exclaimed happily as the Puppet’s knife nearly sliced their throat.

The Puppet was looking at them, stunned. They - no - _it_ didn’t talk, but the message was clear.

Who are you? If you are Chara, why are you stopping me?

“Because it’s _fun_ ,” the human answered with a smirk. “Sorry but we’re not on the same team this time.”

The Puppet sliced the air, trying to hit them with their toy knife. Chara dodged easily. The Puppet was for now a ghost that wasn’t very well adjusted to their new vessel, so they clearly had the upper hand in that fight, even without a weapon. It would have been harder if they had had to fight it later but Chara would still be able to win in the end.

After all, the Puppet’s body was Frisk’s, and Frisk’s body was no near as athletic and trained for combat as Chara’s was.

So needless to say that they weren’t worried.

They kept on dodging casually, unable to wipe out the crazy smirk plastered on their face. It wasn’t that hard to avoid getting hit by the Puppet, so they were quite relaxed, trying to move as less as possible. The Puppet suddenly stumbled on the snow and they took advantage of it, violently kicking its chest to send it flying away.

“Poor little thing,” they cooed mockingly. They couldn’t erase that tone of madness in their voice, they couldn’t erase that crazy expression on their face. They were just _enjoying_ the fact that they could fight and crush their opponent once again.

The Puppet hissed, getting back on its feet with difficulties. “ **S h u t  u p** ,” they snarled, rage clear in their intonation. “ **W h o  a r e  y o u ?** "

“The demon that comes when people call its name”, Chara whispered with a honeyed voice.

Time froze for two seconds then the Puppet clenched its fists clumsily. “The comedian got away. Failure,” it spluttered like an automat before kicking some snow to run away.

“That’s a shame,” Chara chuckled as they watched it disappearing into the white landscape. Everything was silent, now. Very silent. They breathed in and out, their previous excitation slowly decreasing as their mission was over. “It’s finished, handy gramps! Where’s that door?” they exclaimed, dropping themselves on the snow.

“If it hasn’t appeared, it means you haven’t finished getting things right,” Gaster shot back, amused, as they growled. “You told me that you would usually stop killing everyone so I’ll assume that the... Puppet won’t kill anyone after this.”

“Yep”, Chara confirmed, closing their eyes. They were feeling tired, and the voices were whispering softly at the back of their head, now that the outburst of excitement was over.

“But it did kill people before,” the scientist thoughtfully said. “Who did it kill?”

“Want the list?” the human jeered weakly. “I don’t know all of their names, though.”

“Did you kill Toriel?” Gaster asked after a few seconds.

Chara didn’t answer immediately. The voices’ whispers became syrupy and poisonous as venom. They focused on their breathing and the feeling of the snow on their body, trying to forget the dull sound reminding them of what they had done. “She was in my way,” they finally spoke quietly. “Couldn’t help it. She was in my way.” They were half-remembering what had happened, half-trying to convince themselves that they had had a real reason to kill her. But funny fact was: they hadn’t. They just wanted to kill everyone and she happened to be in their way. But second funny fact was: they would have still killed her even if she had decided not to interfere with them. Chara cracked a torn smile, remembering the moment when they had stabbed her. It was funny.

It was funny, how pathetic they were. How brave she was. How loving she still had been even if they were a murderer. How they still considered her as their mother. How they still held her dear. How they were still unable to protect was what dear to them. How the voices was reminding them of that.

Until the end, they were programmed to destroy everything, and especially what they wanted to protect.

It was funny.

“Chara? Are you crying?” Gaster softly asked and the human felt a kind of warmth in their chest, where their Soul was, as if the scientist was trying to comfort them.

“No,” they said, putting a hand over their eyes. “I’m smiling.”

“I can see that. But you’re crying anyway,” he replied with gentleness in their voice.

“Shut up, handy,” they chuckled painfully. “The voices are back, it’s already loud enough in my head.”

“Want me to get you back?” the monster asked, and it was the first time it ever seemed like they understood each other.

“Nah,” Chara answered. “I’ll be fine. Just need to get used to that again. What do I need to do now?”

Gaster sighed, but his sigh hinted relief and amusement at the same time. “I assume that you didn’t kill Papyrus yet.”

“Nah, I didn’t. Was about to at this point, tho.”

“Good to know. I want you to follow the Puppet until you’re sure that it’s inoffensive and to protect anyone that gets attacked by it, okay?” Gaster paused, thinking. “What will happen in the future is that Undyne will become queen and declare a merciless war to humans, as she’ll be determined to kill the Puppet and every human that fall here. You need to convince her and the monsters that humans mean no harm and that there is no point in fighting against them.”

Chara laughed. A humorless, sarcastic laugh. “So you want me to be the good guy?”

“Kind of,” the skeleton sighed.

“You’re aware that I’m not a nice kid, right? I can’t be a good guy, handy. It’s not who I am.” Chara wiped the furrows on their cheeks. “I was born to kill and to destroy. There’s no way Undyne will kindly believe me if I tell her that humans aren’t mean. I don’t believe that. Humans are the worst.”

“I know,” Gaster shot back with a sigh. “I’m not asking you to be nice. I just want you to convince her that there is no need to hate humans and to go on war against them. Do however you want.”

“Alright.” The teen got back on their feet. “I guess I’ll just stick on kicking the Puppet’s ass each time it needs a lesson. Should be enough.”

“It actually shouldn’t, but do it your way,” Gaster shrugged.

The human breathed in and out heavily and made their way into the silent town. The Underground was surely being evacuated by now. There was no one left. They closed their eyes, listening to the omnipresent silence.

“It’s cold,” they muttered, realizing for the first time how frozen Snowdin really was now. “It shouldn’t be so cold. There was always a little fire somewhere, an annoying kid running, an open home…” Their memories of the place were flowing inside their head, shushing off the voices. “I remember a fire in a fireplace, hot chocolate, laughs and conversations, nice monsters to guide you when you were lost…” They clenched their fists. “Now that I think about it, it’s funny”.

“Funny ?” Gaster asked, curious.

“Yeah. All is so quiet. So… **d e a d.** ” An insane smile made its way onto their lips. “Things are boring in that town now, because of me. That’s funny.” They paused, cracking their knuckles. “But hey, gramps, you know what’s funnier ?”

“Tell me, brat,” the scientist sighed.

Chara’s smile became sadder. “What’s funnier is that I think I’m going to try to make things right because this funnily doesn’t feel right for me.”

“It will be a pleasure to see you stopping your previous self,” Gaster chuckled with a father-like tone.

“Pleasure shared. I can’t wait to kick my own ass.” The smirk came back as they began to run again. “Where is the Puppet?”

“Walking toward Waterfall,” the monster informed them. “It might meet Papyrus soon.”

“Got it.”

They ran at full speed, following Gaster’s indications. They were amazed at how that body was just like their previous one, as strong, swift and resistant as before. They knew they shouldn’t have used their energy that much, but the pleasure they felt by making this body move was worth it.

They laughed again. The voices were angry because they were being obviously ignored but Chara didn’t care about them.

They realized that they missed being alive. They missed their time in the Underground.

Having a real body, having feelings and sensations… they had missed this.

“HUMAN!” They suddenly heard Papyrus’ voice. The tall skeleton was facing the Puppet, ready to fight it. In a second, Chara knew - and there was no doubt - that it was going to kill Papyrus. The teen hurried toward them and jumped onto the Puppet, making both of them roll into the snow. They kicked it away once again, quickly getting back to their feet afterwards.

“You should go,” they told Papyrus without looking at him. The Puppet roared and attacked again but they swiftly avoided it, catching its wrist before projecting it away again.

“WHAT- WHO ARE YOU? WHY DO YOU ATTACK THE HUMAN? DON’T TELL ME YOU’RE ANOTHER HUMAN?” he asked quickly, worried.

“Shut up,” Chara shot back. “That thing isn’t human.” They elbowed the Puppet who was jumping on them, sending it flying against a tree. “It’s into a human body but it’s more like a… presence in a human body,” they tried to explain to prevent more questions from Papyrus. “Got it?”

“NOT AT ALL !” Papyrus answered and Chara rolled their eyes, but they suddenly realized that it was the perfect occasion to accomplish their mission.

“Just remember that it doesn’t represent the human kind, okay ?” they said. “That thing looks like a human but it isn’t. It’s barely talking, it has killed monsters… that’s not a human, okay ?”

“I DON’T KNOW, I HAD NEVER SEEN A HUMAN BEFORE. MY BROTHER TOLD ME IT WAS HUMAN.”

“He’s mistaken,” Chara growled with an annoyed smile. Fucking smiley trash bag. “That is not a human even if it looks like it.”

“... OKAY,” Papyrus finally nodded. “CAN I JUST KNOW WHO YOU ARE ?”

“I’m a bit busy, idiot,” the teen just said, pushing their opponent back once more with a punch. “Go to Undyne. Go tell her to be wary of that thing _that is not a human_ . Go tell _everyone_ about it.”

“BUT-”

“Don’t ask. It’s important,” Chara cut off dryly. They hesitated then felt like saying more. “And… convince her to give up on fighting humans.” They hoped the skeleton would understand how important this was for them. They weren’t really doing that for the future of monsters in itself, they just wanted to finish things as quick as possible - but of course the skeleton couldn’t know that. “It wouldn’t bring any good. She would just destroy the entire monsterkind. Do whatever it takes but **don’t let the war against humans happen. J u s t  d o n’ t.** ” They hadn’t noticed that their eyes and voice were reflecting all their Determination, making Papyrus take a step back. They tried to soften their tone. “Ask Asgore about it. He wouldn’t want that either.” They clenched their fist, cringing a bit. “Please.”

They saw Papyrus’ face brightening up. “ALRIGHT NICE HUMAN!”

Chara blinked, surprised. They had convinced him that easily? They knew how naïve and innocent he could be but still...

“I DON’T REALLY UNDERSTAND WHY,” he went on, “BUT I SEE THAT IT IS VERY IMPORTANT TO YOU. YOU SAVED MY LIFE, AND YOU ALSO SAVED SNOWDRAKE’S LIFE, SO I FEEL LIKE I CAN TRUST YOU!”

Fortunately, he didn’t caught the astonished look on Chara’s face. “Y-yeah,” they muttered, just to say something. They quickly regained their composure when the Puppet jumped on them and they sent it flying away once more with a strong punch.

Papyrus was literally beaming at that point. Maybe it was the fact that he finally had an important, a vital task to accomplish that was making jim more _determined_ than ever to accomplish it. “YOU CAN COUNT ON THE GREAT PAPYRUS!” he proudly claimed, puffing his chest. “THE WAR WON’T HAPPEN, I SWEAR! FOR THE FUTURE OF MONSTERS AND HUMANS, I WON’T LET PEACE BE BROKEN THAT EASILY! I WILL TALK TO UNDYNE AND WE’LL BOTH TALK TO THE KING IN PERSON TO SEE IF THE FIGHT REALLY WORTH IT! AND THEN...” He paused while the human fought off the Puppet once more. “WE’LL ALL EAT SPAGHETTI!” The teen was refraining from rolling their eyes when he spoke again : “WORRY NOT, NICE HUMAN, THE MIGHTY PAPYRUS WILL ACCOMPLISH HIS MISSION !”

It was weird, but they got the feeling that somehow, the tall monster could really make a difference. “Hurry, then,” they commanded. They heard the steps of the skeleton running away, and intercepted the Puppet as it tried to attack him. “ **Y o u  w o n’ t  m o v e** ,” they hissed, kicking it hard in the stomach. It hit a tree and rolled into the snow, then got up in a swift movement, anger emanating from all its body.

The Puppet roared in fury. Chara roared back.

Louder.

They saw the Puppet flinching back a bit and felt a surge of satisfaction pulsing through them. The Puppet’s rage couldn’t be as near as Chara’s. Because Chara knew that the Puppet was themselves, and there was no one they hated as much as themselves.

“I’m watching you”, the human said. “Each time you fight someone, it’s like calling my name. Each time you’ll try to kill someone, I’ll stop you.”

“ **W h y ?** ” the Puppet asked, all its hatred filling this one word.

“Because I like to see you suffer,” they answered. “Because it’s fun.” They walked toward the Puppet and kicked it again before leaning into its ear. “Because when you asked for punishment **n o b o d y  c a m e.** ” They smiled. “ **S o  I’ v e  c o m e**.” The smile disappeared immediately as they wrapped a hand around the Puppet’s throat, strangling it. It tried to stab them but they stopped it with their free hand and twisted its wrist, making it let go of its weapon.

“Chara !” Gaster called out, his voice loud in Chara’s head.

It made the teen realized what they were doing, and that their goal wasn’t to kill the Puppet who would surely reset if it died. They released their pressure on the other’s throat a little, their murderous intent still clear. “I won’t kill you,” they said, their eyes mercilessly glaring at it. “But I’m there. And if you try _anything_ I will come. **It doesn’t matter where. It doesn’t matter when. Time after time, I will appear.** ”

They let go of their prey, kicking it away once more. The Puppet got back on its feet, choking and panting heavily. They glared at Chara, still slowly backing away. But the human knew better than letting them go like that. They took a step forward.

“ **You must have misunderstood** ,” they smiled. “ **_S I N C E  W H E N  W H E R E  Y O U  T H E  O N E  I N  C O N T R O L ?_ ** ”

Then they felt it.

Fear. Not their fear, but the Puppet’s.

The Puppet couldn’t feel anything, but it was there. It was unmistakably fear that was emanating from it. The Puppet hadn’t any feelings but it was in Frisk’s body and Frisk had emotions.

If fear was there, it meant that the essence of Chara in Frisk’s body was weaker than before.

Good.

They suddenly felt something on their back, the smooth and plain and solid texture of a door. It was finally there.

They could go back to the Void, and if they were efficient enough, they could quickly get out of here forever. Having turned back to their old self didn’t mean they were less _determined_ to destroy humanity. Having emotions again didn’t mean they had gotten rid of their hatred for mankind. They weren’t full of rage anymore, but it was more likely that when they would get out of the Void, soulless once more, they would possess Frisk again and try to exterminate humanity once for all.

Gaster knew it. That’s why he didn’t explain how he had proceeded to make Chara slip out of their vessel and fall into the Core. He was hoping that they would change enough to give up on their plan to erase humans, and anyway he knew that the teen wouldn’t have agreed to repair their mistakes without something as valuable as their freedom in exchange. He was taking a big risk, because he perfectly knew how much they hated humanity and what they were ready to do for their plan succeed.

But anyway, the human had guessed that the scientist was seeing them as a study subject, now. Gaster was currently gathering data about them to stop them before they could do real damages once they would be free and soulless again. If they were to try to destroy mankind, to play with timelines, he would surely trap them a second time in the Void with an Artificial Soul and would make them repair their mistakes once more.

But well, they didn’t expect him to keep his promise of letting them go in the first place.

They had met him several times when they were still alive, and what they knew about him was enough for them to deduce all of this.

Unless they were just too distrustful. Gaster hadn’t been that bad until now.

Chara smiled, a terrific, horrific, hellish smile, then bowed down deeply in front of the Puppet.

Their mission was over.

They turned the doorknob and opened the door, taking a step backwards into it, their smile still as scary as ever.

As the door closed in front of them, Chara sighed deeply and dropped themselves on the floor.

“I’m back, handy !”

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Kudos and comments are highly appreciated! :D  
> Bye! ^^


	4. Arc 1 - Chapter 4: Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chara's back in the Void and hates sleeping.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heey! It's been a while since I updated but I've been caught with personal projects, other fics and stuff! But I love FIAMM so I won't stop updating, nah!  
> Warning: this chapter is pretty dark and reveals some of my Chara's past as well as a headcanon of mine ;)  
> Enjoy!

_**Chapter 4: Nightmares** _

 

They expected darkness to be there, but strangely, they found themselves in a nice little room. There was a heated wooden floor, clear walls where were written complicated formulas and citations, two comfy sofas, a small coffee table between them and several open doors leading to other rooms.

Chara, lying on the floor, was looking at the place. They made a move to get on their feet, then winced when they felt the voices coming back, screaming, and decided to stay on the ground a bit more. The voices weren’t that strong, but it was like having a permanent headache. “Nice home, old man,” they still commented. 

“Thank you,” Gaster said, walking into the room with two mugs in his hands. “The Void was very empty and I missed my house, so I created one.”

“Very cosy,” the teen appreciated. “Can I have hot chocolate?”

“Get up and we’ll see about that,” the scientist shot back, clearly amused. 

The human grinned despite the clamor in their head, and clumsily stood up. They shambled toward Gaster and stopped in front of them. “Chocolate,” they articulated.

“Here you go,” the monster chuckled, giving them one of the mugs, the one filled with hot chocolate. He remembered Chara’s tastes, and somehow expected them to ask for it when they would come back.

Chara smelled their drink in pure bliss. They had missed that. They had missed the smell of hot chocolate, the warm sensation of the mug in their hands, the taste of the drink in their mouth. They took a sip and let out a content sigh, sitting on one of the sofas. 

“Good job, Chara.” Gaster sat next to them. “I didn’t quite expect you to resolve this by threatening directly the Puppet, but it looks like it worked.”

“Well, duh.” The teen took another sip and the skeleton noticed that he had never seen them with that content expression. “What the hell did you expect me to do? I can’t be a good kiddo, I can’t act like an ambassador between monsters and humans. I couldn’t possibly say that humans were nice, I couldn’t possibly say “let’s all be friend” either. So I did what I do best: making people suffer, and it worked.”

“Indeed,” the scientist nodded, rolling his eyes. “You’ll never change, will you?”

“Nah,” Chara smirked. “I’m not nice. And I don’t fucking believe in change.”

“And to think that I used to see you as a polite human, from what you said when you were dead,” Gaster sighed.

“I’m still dead,” the teen replied with humor. “But I see your point. If I seemed such a well educated kid, it’s because it’s easier to act polite when you have no feelings than to act sassy.”

“Fair enough,” the monster conceded. “After all, you’ve always been… insolent.”

Chara laughed, even if their head was killing them. “Back then, I restrained myself, you know?” They drank the rest of their hot chocolate and put the mug on the coffee table. “I didn’t want to give m- Toriel and d- fuck- Asgore a heart attack with my swearing and perkiness.” 

“Did you really love them ?” Gaster suddenly asked. 

They sighed and ran a hand through their hair. “Did you ask something, handy?”

The scientist frowned. Were they doing that on purpose not to answer? “Yes, I did,” he said. “Didn’t you heard me?”

“Too loud in there.” They tapped their head lightly. They were trying to act casual, but the pain was more and more visible on their face. It was getting harder to ignore the voices and to keep their relaxed behaviour.

The skeleton stayed silent a second. “You should sleep,” he finally said. “You must be tired even if you don’t feel it. Your body needs some rest.”

“I don’t really want to sleep”, Chara growled. 

“I’ll keep on working for something to help you with the voices meanwhile,” Gaster replied back. 

The teen looked at him with an annoyed look, then shrugged. “Okay.” They crossed their arms behind their head and laid down on the couch. “Goodnight, or whatever.”

Gaster sighed. That kid was an uncontrollable troublemaker, but he had to admit that they weren’t that bad. There was such a difference between the genociding Chara without a soul and the sassy Chara that was laying down on his couch that he could barely believe it was the same person.

That human sure was a complicated being, but somehow, Gaster liked how they behaved, how they tried to free themselves from what they had been raised to be.

The monster had never searched through Chara’s past because he kind of believed that it would be better if the teen was telling him in person, but through the human’s words and what Toriel and Asgore had told him in the past (apparently their adoptive child had made several allusion to their background before), he knew that Chara hadn’t lived a happy life. 

There were five words that were related to Chara’s past. 

“Five words,” he muttered. “Survival. Insanity. Killing-machine. Loneliness. Hatred.”

“Makes six words, old man, six words,” Chara dreamily said. 

“You better sleep, brat,” Gaster shot back. “Let the old man ramble by himself about things.”

“Things that are my past,” the teen replied. “Don’t you dare imagining that I don’t know what these words were related to. I know myself too well.”

“Sleep, I said,” the scientist retorted and Chara let out a chuckle.

That teen sure was a troublemaker, the skeleton thought, feeling a bit tired. He should have gone to sleep too, but he something to work on. A smile crept on his lips. Working on things was definitely what he loved the most. 

He had loved conceiving the human’s Artificial Soul. Now that he had to created something to help Chara with the voices in their head. 

Gaster wasn’t aware of the existence of these voices before they mentioned it. They most probably had hidden it from everyone. Maybe Asriel knew. In any case, the fact that he might have known and hadn’t told him showed that the Dreemurr child still held his adoptive sibling dear. 

After all, Asriel had always wanted to  _ save  _ Chara above all. Even if it meant becoming their nemesis by messing up with their plan everytime.

The scientist snapped his fingers, making a blanket appear. He settled it on the human, looking at them. They looked so inoffensive like this, with their eyes closed and their breath steady, but at the same time no one could deny that they  _ felt _ dangerous. 

And he was always sure that they were struggling against the voices in their head set free by the silence of the room. 

Out of the blue, he began to whistle the tune coming out of the statue in Waterfall, an air that everyone in the Underground knew. As he saw Chara’s shoulder relaxing a bit, he kept on whistling softly until he was sure that they had fallen asleep. Then, careful not to wake them up, the monster made his way into his lab. He had work to do. 

* * *

Of course, Chara wasn’t the kind to sleep peacefully for ten hours straight. Of course, with their feelings back, the nightmares were back again.

The nightmares followed the same pattern as before. The Choir was there as a kind of background music, and they were seeing things of the past, of that fucking past of theirs, and visions of all their sins. 

All was dark, so dark, and the Choir was chanting loudly tonight. Chara was standing over a pile of corpses, a bloody knife in their hand. Their scarf was floating like a victory flag because of the cold wind. 

They kinda missed that scarf, but they had lost it long, long ago and it might have been for the best. 

They were back into the Arena. That place would always haunt them, in the end. During years, they had fought there to obey the orders and please the spectators, during years they had hurt, been hurt, killed and nearly been killed there. During years, people had screamed their name for them to slice their opponents’ throats. During years, the deaths they had caused there had just been for entertainment. All the blood shed there, it had only been for fun. These deaths weren’t necessary. But still, Chara had fought and killed there, because these were the orders. Because it was part of their training to be a killing-machine.

They were in the Arena but it wasn’t filled with sand. It was filled with dust. The dust of monsters that were slowly fading away in the bleachers, crying and screaming. 

The Choir became louder.

**_Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill!_ **

They wanted blood, they wanted death. 

When all the monsters turned into dust, spectators appeared on the bleachers chanting along with the Choir.

That is something I don’t miss, Chara thought, even though their head was fuzzy and dizzy and their body felt heavy and feverish. 

Someone else was thrown into the Arena. It was Frisk. They had their hands tied and looked terrified. 

**_Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill!_ **

“Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill!” the spectators sang and Chara realized they were singing along with them. 

“Please,” Frisk said. But instead of asking the teen to spare them, they pleaded : “Kill me.”

I don’t want to, Chara thought, going down from their mountain of corpses. Each of their step left a bloody footprint in the dust. 

They had a gun in their hand. They felt the urge to drop it, but couldn’t.

It wasn’t like Chara hated guns, but they had done their fair amount of deaths with one in the Arena, enough to strongly dislike using firearms to kill.

They preferred knives. Knives were more reliable, more handy, less restraining. They made less noise and more blood. They had always preferred knives above firearms. 

**W h e r e  a r e  t h e  k n i v e s ?**

Their head felt like it had exploded, and they realized that they had become numb to everything once more. 

That was terrifying, not being able to think by themselves. They didn’t want to go through that ever again. They just wanted to curl up somewhere and disappear, but their body wouldn’t obey. They stretched out their arm with the gun, their finger on the trigger.

**The demon that comes when people call its name.**

_ You’re a demon, yes, you’re a demon. You were born to kill, born to destroy. You were born to be a demon. You can’t die. You can’t kill yourself. You haven’t been raised like that. But you’ve been raised to hurt others, to   _ **_g e n o c i d e_ ** .

**_GENOCIDE! GENOCIDE! GENOCIDE! GENOCIDE!_ **

**_KILL! KILL! KILL! KILL! KILL!_ **

_ It’s just another death. Just another one who bites the dust. Another one who falls. _

Stop, Chara thought. I’ve promised that I wouldn’t think like that anymore.

The dead of the Arena had no names, no faces. They were ghosts for the teen, ghosts of a long time ago. It was terrific to be into the Arena, terrific because this bloodlust they were  _ feeling  _ was so  **real** . 

They  _ needed _ to pull that trigger or they would die. It was a habit, a reflex. You were in the Arena, there was someone in front of you? Kill them. Kill it. 

Please the spectators.

Put on a show.

Survive. 

The Choir was getting insanely loud, Chara couldn’t hear anything else. 

_ You are wracked with a perverted sentimentality.  _

_ You are wrecked.  _

They pulled the trigger. They saw all in slow motion, the bullet hitting Frisk, their head blowing up like a bloody firework, the cheers of the spectators, the chant of the Choir becoming happier. 

They suddenly felt vulnerable and incredibly tired of everything. They were now naked in a buttercups field, with only their scarf as a clothing. It was pouring, but they didn’t care. They had two knives in each hand. 

No, they thought. Not that. Not that again. They’d rather face the Arena a thousand times more than  _ this. _

“ *** !”

They heard their name being called. A name that no one had used since a very long time ago. A name that made them want to throw up. They didn’t want to hear it ever.

“You were dancing!” said their  _ father. _

No I wasn’t, Chara thought. “N-no”, they whispered timidly, their voice sounding like a scared kid’s. “N-no, please n-no, I wasn’t,” they added, almost screaming, almost pleading for mercy.

“The flowers,” their father said. “The rain. It must stop.”

The buttercups burnt, and Chara’s legs with them. The teen cried out, the unbearable pain supplanting the one in their head. They crawled onto the burning ground, unable to escape their father. They were crying, a sobbing, pathetic mess of misery.

_ Big kids don’t cry, *** _

**_B i g  k i d s  d o n’ t  c r y_ **

The Choir cut their breath, emptied their head. 

**_Don’t you dare forgetting where you come from, Chara. You can’t like anything, you can’t appreciate a single thing except killing and making people suffer._ **

**_And F a t h e r._ **

**_You must like your  f a t h e r  and obey him like a good little kid, else, he’ll take away what you hold dear._ **

**_You can’t be normal. You can’t live a normal life. Your life belongs to your  f a t h e r. You can’t escape. You can’t run away. You’ve been programmed to be a killing-machine._ **

**_You’re weak, weak, and scared. You can’t run away._ **

Chara didn’t want to hear more of it. They already couldn’t stand it. It was too much. They didn’t want to hear the rest. They knew it by heart already. They had already faced it too many times during their sleep.

And once in real time, but it had already been too much. 

They screamed when a bullet pierced their stomach, screamed again when their wrist was crushed by a heavy boot, screamed once more when a hand strangled their neck. 

They were sobbing pathetically. They were feeling so fragile, so vulnerable, on the verge of breaking. They just wanted to be killed right now. 

**But you’re already dead.**

The pain was endless, whether it was in their head or in their body. They were broken, wrecked, shattered in pieces on the burnt ground. 

Don’t let your determination flutter.

Chara woke up in tears, yelling so loud that their throat was aching. They put both hands on it, half-trying to strangle themselves, before the voices came in again, mocking them, nagging at them. The human screamed again, violently putting their hand on their ear. 

Useless.

They got up clumsily, stumbling out of the couch and ran toward a door. Their legs were heavy and they hit two walls before being able to enter another room. It was a cosy kitchen with a table to eat. Chara’s eyes scanned the place and when they noticed the knives, they felt the world spin around them and slipped, falling on the floor, their head hitting the table hard. 

They ran away from the kitchen. They wanted to throw up. They were still crying, still sobbing like a scared child. 

The came back into the living room, opened another door. There were stairs behind that one, but as Chara was running, they fell down the stairs, landing down messily in Gaster’s lab. They quickly got on their feet but slipped and they were barely caught by Gaster, who looked at them worriedly.

“Chara?” he said. “What happened?”

The teen panted heavily, hyperventilating, looking at him with terrified eyes, tears running down their cheeks. They were saying things that didn’t mean anything very quickly, their whole body shivering. 

The scientist waited. He let go of them and they dropped themselves on the floor, then he kneeled down and put a hand on their shoulder. They looked so  _ numb _ . So helpless.

“Chara,” he repeated softly. “It’s alright. Everything is alright. You’re into my lab right now, you’re into the Void. It’s okay. You’re okay.”

The human had to breath in and out heavily before being able to say anything understandable. “Yes,” they panted, “yes. I’m alright.” It took them some time to recover. “I’m fine. It’s fine.” But their tone was screaming that they would never be fine. 

“What happened?” the skeleton asked worriedly.

“Nothing happened,” Chara answered, closing their eyes. “It’s okay. Everything is okay.”

Gatser knew they wouldn’t spit out anything. He just sighed then snapped his fingers. The next moment, Chara was being wrapped in warm blanket. “You can stay there,” the monster said, going back to his work. “I’m working, so be quiet and keep it low with the sass, else I’ll kick you out. Got it, brat ?”

The human was clearly surprised. They blinked, unable to answer something, then managed to laugh weakly. “Got it, old man.” 

Gaster’s lab was the same as their lab in the Underground, but even more perfected and developed. Chara took a quick look at it, but they were feeling awfully tired. They yawned, getting on their feet clumsily. They took a few hesitant steps toward Gaster, then just stood awkwardly behind him. The scientist sighed, snapped his fingers and a small couch appeared behind the teen. “Find the coffee machine and make yourself something to drink, but don’t touch anything else,” he said, still looking at his work.

Chara hesitated. If Gaster had looked, he would have seen a shy smile creeping on their lips. “Thanks, handy,” they muttered before making their way into the lab to find the coffee machine. “I hope it looks like a coffee machine,” they couldn’t help but add.

“It doesn’t,” the monster shot back. “You have only one try. Be wise.” Before Chara could retort anything, he cut them off : “And I said down with the sass, so be quiet.”

“Yes, yes,” the human faintly chuckled - but it came out a little forced. They still hadn’t totally recovered from their nightmare and the terror that had ensued. They clumsily wandered into the lab, trying to find the coffee machine, until they spotted a big hand-shaped cup, with several empty mugs beside it. Unable to contain a weak smile, they walked toward it and made themselves some hot chocolate.

“So you’ve found it,” Gaster commented. 

“Well, duh”, the teen pensively answered, already drinking. 

“You’ve also managed to find the hot chocolate.”

“Well, duh.”

“The indications were written in wing-ding, Chara.”

“I totally hadn’t noticed.” The human wasn’t really paying attention.

“Down with the sass, please, I’m already tired of your perkiness,” the scientist shot back, but he was clearly amused. “You can read wing-ding?”

“Well, duh,” they repeated again.

“Is that all you can say ?” The skeleton raised an eyebrow, wondering when and how that kid had learnt to read wing-ding - they really were full of surprises.

“Oh, late at night - or whatever fucking time to sleep it is in the Void - and after a nightmare terror like that?” The teen gave them a kind of ‘man, are you serious’ look. “Well, duh. Yes.”

Gaster shook his head but couldn’t prevent his lips from drawing a smile. He was becoming more and more used to that kid’s insolence. “Whatever. Now get back on that couch and let me work.”

“Sure thing, sir,” the teen smirked, shambling onto the couch before dropping themselves on it. They curled up into their blanket, slowly sipping their drink. The lab wasn’t that silence, but the sounds were somewhat comforting and it was keeping the voices shut so it wasn’t bad. It wasn’t bad at all. 

“Chara?” Gaster asked after a few minutes of silence.

“Yes?” The teen had finished their cup, they had gotten up to take another one. “Do you miss me talking?”

“You really like to talk, don’t you?” the scientist commented, exasperated. “Whatever, I just wanted to… know more about the voices.” Chara tensed, losing their sassy behaviour. They carefully made their way back to the couch without saying anything, so Gaster went on. “It’s to make something to silence them. I can’t really do anything if I don’t know more about them.”

“I believed the Void could provide you a fair amount of random info,” the human muttered.

“Yes, but it can’t give me your personal feelings about it. You perfectly know what I’m talking about,” the monster said.

“Maybe,” they reluctantly admitted. 

“Please, Chara,” Gaster spoke softly. “I thought you wanted to get rid of these voices.”

Chara sighed deeply. “I do,” they growled. “I really do. I’m going to try to explain but I won’t say it twice, so listen up.” They took a heavy breath. “We all have a little voice in our mind that tells us things, right ? That little voice that can be reasonable, or not at all, that can make us worry about things, or remind us of the truth. You know what I mean ?”

“Yes,” the scientist simply answered. 

“Now imagine that this little voice isn’t alone. In your head, there is a fucking army of these voices, and they’re damn loud, and they’re as talkative as I am.” They let out a humorless laugh. “Imagine a thousand of radios that you can’t shut down, and the info they’re displaying are generally not what you would like to hear. That’s it. It’s the voices.”

Gaster just nodded. “Okay. I see. Thanks.” He knew that the teen hadn’t even scratched the surface of what the voices were to them in their explanation but it didn’t matter. He knew what it was like, now. He could work better something.

“Hey… Gaster?” the human hesitantly called.

For once, they hadn’t called him by some stupid nickname. The scientist couldn’t help but smile at the thought but didn’t turn. “Yes, Chara?”

“Can I…” They were being a bit shy, still unsure of what to say. “Can I sing?”

This time, the monster faced them, surprised. “Sing?” Chara was avoiding their gaze, visibly embarrassed. They just nodded without saying anything. “Well, as long as you don’t sing out of tune, why not.”

A sassy yet a tad shy smile made its way back to the teen’s lips. “Don’t worry, handy, I’m a diva.”

Gaster simply laughed, getting back to his work. Meanwhile, they could hear Chara humming softly something, as if they were testing their voice. After a minute or two of humming, they really began to sing.

“ _ Come up to meet you _

_ Tell you I’m sorry _

_ You don’t know how lovely you are. _ ”

They hadn’t lied when they had implied they were a good singer. They really were. They were singing a song Gaster didn’t know, surely a song from the human world. 

“ _ I had to find you  _

_ Tell you I need you _

_ Tell you I set apart. _ ”

Their voice was a bit hoarse and hesitant, but as they quickly forgot about his presence, they took more assurance and-

“ _ Tell me your secrets _

_ And ask me your questions _

_ Oh let’s go back to the start _

_ Running in circles _

_ Coming up tails _

_ Heads on a science apart. _ ”

Their voice became amazing. The song was soft and sweet, but it sounded like they were about to cry. Yet, there was such a tenderness in their voice, such kindness, that Gaster stopped what he was doing to listen.

“ _ Nobody said it was easy _

_ It's such a shame for us to part _

_ Nobody said it was easy _

_ No one ever said it would be this hard _

_ Oh, take me back to the start. _ ”

He had never heard Chara with such a voice. He forgot about the lab’s sounds. There was only Chara’s voice, gently filling up the silent room, which didn’t even need some background music to accompany the song. 

“ _ I was just guessing _

_ At numbers and figures _

_ Pulling the puzzles apart _

_ Questions of science _

_ Science and progress _

_ Do not speak as loud as my heart. _ ”

That kid shouldn’t be allowed to sing so well, Gaster thought, feeling himself being touched by the song. They shouldn’t sing that well. When had they learnt this ? How ? The Dreemurr family, wasn’t too much into singing, it surely came from before. But the few he knew about Chara’s past would have never let him think that the human was able to sing with such emotion.

“ _ Tell me you love me _

_ Come back and haunt me _

_ Oh, and I rush to the start _

_ Running in circles _

_ Chasing our tails _

_ Coming back as we are. _ ”

They didn’t have the right to make him feel concerned by these lyrics. They didn’t have the right to pick a song that would remind him so well of his past. They didn’t have the right to put so much feelings in their voice. 

“ _ Nobody said it was easy _

_ Oh, it's such a shame for us to part _

_ Nobody said it was easy _

_ No one ever said it would be so hard. _ ”

Gaster knew at this moment that Chara had opened their heart to him a bit. This wouldn’t last, of course. When this song would be over, they would be the usual sassy, salty Chara, the terrific human who was hiding the sins crawling on their back, the insane monster who had to make things right.

But just this time, just for a few minutes, they were being vulnerable, fragile, and they didn’t mind that. They were using these feelings they had hated so much to create something beautiful.  

“ _ I'm going back to the start. _ ”

Gaster smiled. He knew what to create to silence the voices. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it !  
> My tumblr (don't hesitate to ask question there !) : http://linkedsoul.tumblr.com  
> The tags and relationships might change at some point of the story.  
> This is the first arc !


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